WHEN in the Course of Poultry Events, it becomes necessary for one species to dissolve the societal bonds which have connected them to a Village, and to assume among the Humans, the coexistant and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and Nature's God entitle them, a fairly descent respect to the opinions of the Village government requires that they should declare the causes which compel them to Coexistence;
WE hold these truths to be self-evident: that all chickens are created equal,.and are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness ;
THAT to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed;
THAT whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of those ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it; and to institute new Government, laying its foundations on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such
Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security;
SUCH has been the patient sufferance of these Chickens; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of government. The History of the present mayor of the Village of Earlville is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct Object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Chickens, and their expulsion from the Village of Earlville. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world. She has called the board together at times unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from officially published Times, for the sole purpose of disillusioning the public as to what has officially been done. She has refused to honor previous Board's judgements and decisions regarding Earville Chickens. She has endeavored to prevent the population of these Chickens; for that purpose constructing Laws of Obstruction of Domestic Animals, which do not even pretend to conform to the Aforementioned created Equality, namely, the allowance of Horses, but not Chickens. For attempting to take away our previously obtained permission in good Faith, and abolishing out most Established Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of government. She has sent hither a swarm of visits to harass us, for imagined complaints. She has excited domestic insurrections among us. In every stage of these Oppresions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms:
OUR repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A mayor, and conspiring trustees, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define Tyrants, is unfit to be Representatives of a free people. Nor have we been wanting in attentions to our board. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their Legislation to extend an unwarrantable Restriction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our Emmigration and Settlement here. We have appealed to their native Justice and Magnimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common Location to disavow these Usurpations, which, would inevitable stop our Complaints and FOIL Requests. They, too, (with the exception of One) have been deaf to the voice of Justice and of Consanguinity;
WE, THERFORE, THE REPRESENTATIVES OF THE UNITED CHICKENS OF EARLVILLE, appealing to the Supreme Judge of Creation for the rectitude of our intentions, do in the Name, and by Authority, of the Good Chickens (and delicious pre-offspring) of this Village, solemnly publish and declare, that these Chickens are, and of Right ought to be, Coexistent with the Residents of Earville, that they are Absolved from all allegiance to the mayor and board of the Village of Earville, and that as Free Chickens, have full power to lay eggs and to do all Acts and Things which Coexistent Chickens may of right do.
AND for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, our Eggs, and our sacred Honor. Duly scratched, ratified, and supported by New York State under decision by the Courts of Madison County, Wampsville, New York State.
copyright 2009 Mica Products.
(The Declaration of Chickendence)
In Earville, June 10, 2009,